Heartbroken

We had a FET on July 15th. We were hoping to give Mckenzie a brother or sister. The doctor was positive at least one of the embyos would take. Everything looked great throuughout the whole cycle. Unfortunately, it didn't take. I am not pregnant.

It is especially hard because I felt pregnant. I was convinced that I was carrying twins because I was feeling the effects from "being pregnant" so soon.

I know I have Mckenzie. I know she is a miracle and truly a blessing from God. But just because we have her, it does not mean we feel our family is complete. I don't understand why some people think it's OK to say, but at least you have Mckenzie. I am happier than ever that I have my Mckenzie, but I feel like I lost a child. It's not like we can just go and try again next month like most couples. We are still trying to recover from the debt incurred when trying to have Mckenzie and the last procedure. Insurance doesn't cover it. Anyone have $20K they want to just give us to pay for the next try?

I would like to do a fresh cycle again. Then if there were any frozen embryos left, try those, but that is it. I can't continue to do it for emotional and financial reasons. It is just too tough when it doesn't work.

Now I am going to focus on myself a little more. I am going to make my life a little more healthier and continue to lose more weight. That way if I do get pregnant again, I will weigh even less than when I had Mckenzie. I think that will really help with the future baby too.

San Diego

We have been in San Diego for 3 days now. We started off the trip with my appointment in Laguna Hills and then Mckenzie's appointment down in San Diego. Mckenzie did great AGAIN with her laser appointment! She cries for a second, then settles down when I hold her and give her a bottle. After her appointment, we checked into the hotel, explored the room, and got a nap (at least Mckenzie and I did!) Later that afternoon, we all walked down to Sea Port Village which was right next to our hotel. There are little shops there for us to check out. We got Mckenzie a shirt that said "Daddy's Girl." There was a little girl on the shirt that had pigtails and had actual bows on them. It was really cute. Wednesday night, Mckenzie went right to bed and slept until about 5:30 in her Pack 'n Play.

On Thursday, we got up early and headed to Sea World. Our first stop was for breakfast at a pancake place. Mckenzie almost ate 1/4 of a cantaloupe! I also got blueberry pancakes to share with her, but she wasn't too interested. She spent a lot of breakfast dumping out the puffs from her container and then putting them all back in. It is hard to get the puffs back in the little hole. It shows great fine motor skills.

We made it to Sea World and saw the Shamu show and then the Dolphin Show. By that time, Mckenzie was all showed out! We walked around for a bit and Mckenzie was out! We hung out in the Mantee viewing area while Mckenzie slept. It was nice and cool and dark. There was even a bench to sit on in the back corner. We scored the perfect spot! She napped for about an hour and then we headed to lunch. After lunch, we explored more of Sea World. We found a little area for small children to jump around in. They had stuffed blocks to stack. Mckenzie seemed to love this area, but was having problems because part of it was too hot from the sun beating down on it. We went to the Pets Rule show last, and we decided that we were all done with the park for now. It is nice that we have the passes to come back again. It will make for a nice day trip on a weekend when we don't have anything to do. (But when does that ever happen??) Mckenzie had a little more difficult time going to bed that night, but slept really well.

On Friday, we got a later start and went to the San Diego Zoo. We had breakfast at Mimi's and I *swear* Danny Gokey from American Idol was sitting at the table across from us. Anywho, after breakfast, we made it to the zoo. We took a tour bus around the park to see what we wanted to see. By this time, Mckenzie was already fussy and needed a nap! We made it through the line with people shooting dirty looks at us the whole time and got on the bus. Mckenzie did ok once the bus started moving. At the end of ride, she fell asleep in Daddy's arms. So sweet! We sat for a bit and planned our route and by that time, Mckenzie woke up from her short nap. We started around the park to see different animals. At the end of the day, Mckenzie and I did a little handprint art of a mommy elephant and her baby. The baby elephant is holding on to the mommy elephant's tail. We choose elephants because Mckenzie can make the elephant sound and seems to like them in her Noah's Ark set. Mckenzie did better today than yesterday, mainly because she wasn't having to wait for the shows to start and she stayed in her stroller more.

For this trip, Mckenzie did outstanding, considering she is only 13 months old! We were excited to go on this first vacation with her. I know many memories were created in the last couple of days that we will remember forever.

Pictures to come soon!

Happy 4th of July!

This 4th of July, we went to Matt and Stephanie's and spent the day with Doug's family. First, we went swimming in the pool. This was only Mckenzie's third time in a pool, and only second time in a big pool. (The first time in a big pool lasted about 2 minutes, as she did not like it at all!) It was a nice couple of hours in the pool. We also had a BBQ with hamburgers and hot dogs, beans, potato and macaroni salads, and fruit. Yummmm! Delicious! Mckenzie thought so too because she ate 2 WHOLE hotdogs! After more visiting with the family, we went to go watch fireworks. It was late and I wasn't sure how Ms. Magoo would do. Would she be afraid? Would she fall asleep in the car? Would she watch them and like them? The firework show was a long one. Mckenzie loved the fireworks! She was watching them, pointing at them, and wouldn't stop babbling about them in her high voice. It was quite cute! She only lasted about 10 minutes, then we put her in the car to watch Jack while we finished watching them. (We watching the fireworks in a parking lot, so we didn't leave her alone!) There is something magical about fireworks, and I just love them. I am glad Mckenzie had the same enthusiasm for them too!

Mckenzie's flag outfit - Thanks Alisa!

Getting ready to go swimming.

Swimming fun!

Getting ready for the fireworks!